YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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