No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
