Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
