I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
