At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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