youre lurking in front of me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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