I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Randomize
