she was so not down for the gang bang
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
