I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm at about main and main street
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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