Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
