K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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