I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
