You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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