Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
