I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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