Ambien. No doubt about it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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