Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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