Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
we should paint friendship bongs
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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