i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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