is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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