Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
