Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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