Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
