my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
