im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
