Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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