Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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