She is in my trunk
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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