Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
