You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
