Don't make out with my wife yet
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
