I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
