I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
