I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
