I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
