im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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