Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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