is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
