cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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