the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
