So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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