Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
