He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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