I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
