ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
