First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
