did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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