so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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