How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
