Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
