Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
