just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Holy shit dude........stairs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
