My balls are so social today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
