You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
