her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
