Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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