Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
