just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
